Hello from my heart to yours!

I just read the first few chapters of Mike Dooley’s new book, Manifesting Change, and just connected some major dots. I have been telling myself that since I haven’t already arrived at my most powerful dream in “real life,” there must be something wrong with me, OR I have limiting beliefs somewhere that prevent me from stepping fully into what I want.

Mike likens manifesting to using a GPS. You put in the exact destination with as much detail as you can, then follow the directions. Along the way, you don’t know through your physical senses that you are getting any closer to your destination, because the territory is unfamiliar and you’ve never been there!

It can look like you’re making no progress at all, and you want to turn around and go home. Then, without warning, you turn the corner, and THERE IT IS!

Here’s where I had an epiphany, much like that semi-annoying, but gets-your-attention GPS voice that says “recalculating” when you stray from the directions ( and try to outsmart the Universe by getting mixed up in the how-it-will-happen stuff).

I realized that it’s been me gumming up the works all along by declaring that I MUST have limiting beliefs that prevent me getting what I want. In fact, I don’t have any limiting beliefs if I say I don’t! It was ME SAYING SO, that has limited me! I already AM on my way to my wildest dreams, and the more clearly I know that, the sooner they get here. All I have to do is be clear about that destination, seeing it as having already arrived, make movements and take some action in the general direction of my desire; the Universe does the rest.  This does not mean sitting on the couch with a picture of Hawaii, waiting for things to happen; it means taking inspired action toward what you want, even if what you try doesn’t seem to be working at first.  It could be that every so-called failure or dead-end, has just been a steping stone to what you want, and without having gone there, you wouldn’t be prepared for the next step.

So, I’m “recalculating,” and telling myself what crazy, joyful fun it will be to relax, and live my life knowing I really will get there, that in fact, I already AM there, just waiting for the physical world to catch up.  I don’t have to control the how, and THAT is a stress I am ready to release.  I am officially resigning as “back-seat driver” to the Universe!

Yesterday I did something crazy.  I found myself in a state of worry, and the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) started marching into my head in massive numbers, and I chose to let them come.

Thoughts like, “how will you ever get all that done?” and “you know you’ll end up putting it off until the last minute; why bother doing it any sooner?” and “if you could have succeeded at that, you WOULD have by now…” and it went from bad to worse from there.

I realized what was happening, and remembered, that I had a choice about thinking those thoughts, and about allowing in the negative feelings they brought with them.  I even knew exactly which energy and attitude shifting tool I could use to easily change what was happening.  (It was a simple breathing and EFT tapping sequence – I’ll post the 2-3 min video here on the blog shortly, so check back).

Here’s the crazy part:  I ignored my own inner wisdom in favor of wallowing in the negativity I was creating.  Why did I do that?  I’ve spent the last 9 years teaching people how NOT to do that, and giving them tools to intentionally choose and focus on what they WANT, and here I was, doing the opposite.  Hmmmm…

That’s when I realized the truth.  Sometimes we CHOOSE to stay in resistance to what would be life-giving and helpful.  Sometimes we CHOOSE to be unhappy.  After having this experience, I remembered why.  Here are my top 3 reasons to choose to be unhappy:

1.  Because there is a payoff for staying in the negative state - Can I escape responsibility this way?  Do I get attention or affection from someone else because I seem to need help?  Does it feel safe or familiar, even if it’s also uncomfortable?

2.  Because we’re afraid of who we will be without that old negative pattern - Am I afraid of my own greatness?  Will my friends and family like the new, capable authentic me? Can I really just drop my old patterns like a hot coal?

3.  Because an old belief about not being worthy or lovable has re-surfaced – Do I really deserve to be happy?  If people really knew me, would they think I’m a fraud?  Don’t I have to DO something or PRODUCE something in order to be loved, worthy or be approved of?

For me, I was having some old regret surface from the past  – a case of the “if only I had…” blues.  The truth is, we can’t change the past; all we have is the present moment, and that’s where we get to choose.

I did eventually choose to shift my energy and move into harmony with “what is,” and here’s the lesson I learned:  It’s not important how long you can stay in a peaceful centered state, it’s about honoring whatever comes up, and being willing to take a look at the message that resistance is sending you.  Once the message is received, it’s much easier to move into the state of being you want.

Maybe choosing to be unhappy once in a while is the key to unlocking your resistance!

Two of the best things I use to get back to my center, and create more harmony in my life are Music and Sound Healing meditations, and immersing myself in the beauty of Nature.

Together, they are an even more powerful combination to shift your energy into what you DO want, and out of what you DON’T want.

On September 24-26th, 2010, I will be holding a weekend retreat on the shores of Lake Superior in Northern Minnesota, at the height of Fall Colors,  in a beautiful Craftsman retreat home with 270 feet of shoreline and a wall of windows overlooking Lake Superior.   It’s called Harmonic Happiness, and you can read more about it here:  Harmonic Happiness Retreat on Lake Superior.

I chose this location because we will be immersed in Nature, while we also experience the sounds of Tibetan singing bowls, tuning forks, crystals, drums, and voice.  When you add a clear intention to a beautiful sound, and you add the element of great natural beauty, it has the power to transform and heal.

I’ve created a 6.5 minute guided meditation with music that I’d like you to have, which gives you a taste of using powerful, high vibration words with music to step into a state of being you want, while letting go of anything that blocks you from more harmony and happiness.

To receive it, just enter your name and email in the box at the top of this page, and it will arrive in your in-box as soon as you confirm your email sign-up.  If you are already on the list for this blog, you will be receiving this new meditation via email very shortly.

Once you have heard it, I’d love to hear your thoughts about it, so please post a comment, or drop me an email.

I just read a great blog post over on Delightful Work,  my coach Tom Volkar’s blog.  It got me thinking about what love is, especially authentic love.

DO check out his post and the comments – very juicy and revealing:   Jumping to Conclusions in Love and Work

Authentic love, in my book, does not make someone else responsible for my happiness by requiring something specific of the other.

I choose to love them without conditions, or I don’t.

In the spirit of Spring and with Wedding Season upon us, I decided to share the wedding vows my husband Michael and I wrote. (Parts of it were inspired by Neale Donald Walsch’s wedding vows in the Conversation with God book series).

Enjoy, and please leave your comments!

Minister Dan:   Michael & Kay have not come here today to make a solemn promise or to exchange a sacred vow.  Michael & Kay have come here to declare their love in the presence of friends and family.

They are here to honor their choice to live and grow together, always evolving to the highest expression of love they can possibly imagine.

We’ll begin by asking, why get married?

Michael & Kay have answered this question for themselves, and now I ask them again, so they can be sure of their answer, certain of their understanding, and steadfast in their commitment to the truth they share.

Michael & Kay, you have told me it is your understanding that you are not entering into this marriage for reasons of security…

… that the only real security is not in owning or possessing one another,

… not in demanding, or expecting, and not even in hoping, that what you think you need in life will be supplied by the other…

… but rather, that security is in knowing that everything you need in life,

…all the love, all the wisdom, all the strength, all the insight, all the understanding, all the nurturing, all the compassion, resides within you,

…and that you are not each marrying the other in hopes of getting these things, but in hopes of giving these gifts, that the other might have them in even greater abundance.

Is that your clear understanding today?

Michael & Kay: It is.

Dan: And Michael & Kay, you have told me it is also your clear understanding that you are not entering into this marriage as a means of in any way limiting each other,

…that instead you will honor any true expression or celebration of your authentic selves which brings you joy.

Is that still your clear understanding today?

Michael & Kay: It is.

Dan: Michael & Kay, you have also said that you do not see marriage as creating obligations, but rather as providing opportunities…

…opportunities for growth, for full self-expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about yourself, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls.

Is that the vision you wish to enter into now?

Michael & Kay: It is.

Dan: What symbols do you bring as a reminder of this vision of Love you’re entering into today?

Ian gives rings to Dan.

Dan: Now Michael & Kay, please take these rings you wish to give to each other.

Kay (holding Michael’s ring):

From the metals of the earth, folded steel once meant for swords, is now a symbol of unending love and peace.

Michael (holding Kay’s ring):

From the heart of the earth, 2 bright diamonds, once dark coal, are now a symbol of unending love and light.

Dan: Michael, please repeat after me:

M: I, Michael, ask you, Kay, to be my lover, my friend and my wife.

I promise to love you Kay; with all my heart… until I don’t….because love is unlimited, eternal and free.

I do not choose to bind you to me in this marriage, but instead to declare our lives to be an amazing, sacred playground to learn together what love is.

I seek to create and discover with you Kay, love that is unbounded and infinitely kind, playful, rowdy, blissful, generous, free, forgiving, supporting, peaceful, healthy and positive.

I promise never to make you responsible for my happiness, but to create and nurture my own happiness from the inside out, and to share that joy with you.

Kay, when I am with you, a peace comes over me that I know nowhere else but in nature. Every time I think I cannot love you any more, I go higher, giving and receiving more love than I’ve ever known.

There have been times when you have led the way for me, out of darkness and into the light. You taught me power, surrender, trust and ecstasy. You’ve helped me become more the man I want to be.

In your love I have found deep peace. With you I can be silent because no words are needed to make the connection. There are so many levels of love, and in your eyes I see them all. I see the God in you, looking out… at the God in me.

Kay, I do not seek to bind you to me for eternity, for we are already bound as spiritual beings, as all beings are, one with God.

Instead, I choose to love, honor and uplift you in body, mind and spirit, in this life and beyond, where we will meet, remember, and love again.

As our two souls are drawn more and more to God, to the One, through the eyes of Love, fear disappears, and the world is revealed again as the Paradise it has always been.

Dan: Kay, do you choose to honor Michael’s request that you be his wife?

Kay: I do.

Dan: Now, Kay, repeat after me:

Kay: I, Kay, ask you Michael, to be my lover, my friend, and my husband.

I promise to love you Michael, with all my heart… until I don’t….because love is unlimited, eternal and free.

I do not choose to bind you to me in this marriage, but instead to declare our lives to be an amazing, sacred playground to learn together what love is.

I seek to create and discover with you Michael, love that is unbounded and infinitely kind, playful, rowdy, blissful, generous, free, forgiving, supporting, peaceful, healthy and positive.

I promise never to make you responsible for my happiness, but to create and nurture my own happiness from the inside out, and to share that joy with you.

Michael, every day I feel your powerful love for me, and I am forever grateful for the way you believe in me and support me in everything I do. I love the way you guide me back to the present moment with a look or the touch of your hand.

With you I have found the courage to be myself at last. I am learning to love and let myself be loved, and to embrace the beauty of being a woman. With you, I am home.

In your love I have found deep peace. With you I can be silent because no words are needed to make the connection. There are so many levels of love, and in your eyes I see them all. I see the God in you, looking out… at the God in me.

Michael, I do not seek to bind you to me for eternity, for we are already bound as spiritual beings, as all beings are, one with God.

Instead, I choose to love, honor and uplift you in body, mind and spirit, in this life and beyond, where we will meet, remember, and love again.

As our two souls are drawn more and more to God, to the One, through the eyes of Love, fear disappears, and the world is revealed again as the Paradise it has always been.

Dan: Michael, do you choose to honor Kay’s request that you be her husband?

Michael: I do.

Dan: Please, both of you, hold the rings you would give each other, and repeat after me:

K & M: With this ring, I thee wed, and give to you a symbol of my undying love, a love without boundaries or limitations.

May all who see this ring be reminded that Love is all there is.

Dan: We recognize that no church, or any power vested in me by the State can give me the authority to create the sacred union of marriage; only Kay & Michael can do that, by declaring this soul connection from their hearts.

So now, as you, Kay, and you, Michael, have spoken your truth that God has led your two lives to take one path, we, your friends and family, now witness joyfully that you have declared yourself to be… husband and wife.

Certainty.  Say it out loud.  Imagine for a moment that you have certainty.  You are certain everything is going to be OK – that you are fundamentally OK, safe, loved, powerful, capable, loving, able to speak your truth,  able to trust your intuition and guidance from your own Higher Self, connected deeply to ALL That Is, capable of living your life in a state of peace and ever-expanding bliss.

Tony Robbins recently interviewed two Internet marketing geniuses, both multi-millionaires, successful in the “real world” as some like to call it.  I have met one of these men personally, Fran Kern. He’s funny, irreverent, enjoys playful swearing, surfing and making lots of money trying to help others learn to do what he does so they can have more freedom, time and money.  He is also compassionate, aware and deeply spiritual in his own way. 

Frank embodies certainty, not because he is certain that everything  he tries is going to work, but because he can ignore the “little voices” in his head from past mistakes, societal expectations, and negativity in general.  He has certainty, because he chooses to focus on his intention – seeing a thing as done, and himself jumping up and down at the finish line.  This picture is so real to him in his mind that the most natural thing IS to take action toward it, without fear.  The outcome is assured, even if the how-to isn’t perfectly understood before he starts.

In the interview, Tony Robbins draws a map explaining why people do or don’t  take action, even if it’s in their best interest, and it all starts with Certainty.
Here is the map, with a couple of my own additions:

Certainty is the starting place, what Tony calls “Potential.”  He’s asking us to consider – what is the potential of this human being?  What do I believe about my own potential?  How certain do I feel that I can do this thing, live this way, invite in the life I want?  He says that when people are certain that doing something will change their lives, they WILL take action.

When a person is certain – in the mindset of “I know I can do it; I will find a way,” it becomes easy to take action, the next step in the cycle, because it feels good, and the results are guaranteed with your own certainty.  Actions, especially inspired and passionate ones, produce results.  Once you see the results, your belief in what you are doing gets even stronger, leading to even greater certainty!

I’ve added the step  of Celebration,  really as a second part of Results, because I find that celebrating what worked, makes me want to do more of it.

So, how do you produce certainty, especially when that little voice in your head is running movies about how things didn’t work out so well in the past?  Tony says the trick is to get the results you want in your head first.  This does apply to business, marketing, and material success, but the same principle is excellent for your Spiritual path.  In fact, I would say these two things are tied together in ways most people never even think about. 

The idea is to see the results in advance, as vividly as you can, and to practice this visualization every day, and even several times per day if you need to.  It’s a way to re-wire your brain, and let go of old patterns of thinking, or habits of belief, that probably weren’t even yours in the first place!
There’s one twist I’d like to add: from a spiritual perspective, you’re not adding anything new.  You already ARE a magnificent being of light, capable of incredible, even miraculous things.  This is your birthright gift – you came here with it.  What we’re trying to do is to uncover this radiant being that you are, so you can experience the life you came here to live, and share the Love with others.

Stop telling yourself the story entitled “Why I Cannot Be At Peace Now,” and step into the realization that being at peace can only happen NOW, in this moment (paraphrased from Eckhart Tolle’s New Earth).

In the end, it’s all about happiness, and consciously choosing your state of being in each moment.  Certainty lives in the Here and Now, and has nothing to do with the past, yours or someone else’s.  Start seeing yourself, vividly, as the amazing person you are, certain,  capable, worthy of love and riches of all kinds, at ease and feeling good on the inside, no matter what’s happening on the outside. 

As Eckhart Tolle says, in The Power of Now, once you stop resisting what is (whether “good or “bad”) you end the suffering.  Whether the situation changes or not, you are still free.  The cool things is, when we finally see ourselves as the beautiful beings we really are, our outer lives end up looking pretty good too – that’s what I call a win-win